A Reckoning on What I Owe

Elizabeth Nelson

The following is a guest editorial.

An opening: I OWE Black folks a DAILY practice of dismantling & redistributing my benefits from white supremacy. If you are white, I think you do too.

A love letter: Everything useful I know about every form of justice practice that I can as yet identify starts with Black womxn & femmes. You can talk to white kids about race. I was lucky to have a family and many other adults who engaged me in discussions of race, racism, and more accurate history/ies. The brilliant Black women who served as teachers & teacher’s aides, librarians, professors, and even parents of friends educated me from first grade on. I look back now and realize it was almost exclusively Black womxn doing this work. But my appreciation and gratitude are empty words without meaningful action. I OWE Black womxn and femmes a DAILY practice of paying them in money, time, energy, and other resources.

A reckoning: I benefit from white supremacy every single day. No, my life hasn’t been easy. There are reasons I should not be here. Nonetheless, my experiences of harm from individuals and systems was/is/will always be made easier by the fact, by the privilege, of my whiteness. More significantly, every harm, hurt, and/or violence I have perpetrated on someone who is not white, either individually or by virtue of my roles in systems, is made easier by the fact, by the privilege, of my whiteness. Facing the foundational facts of my white privilege and complicity with white supremacy is not a form of suffering. I have made others suffer, or allowed suffering, because of my white complicity with white supremacy. This is the simplest, most banal truth of existing in white supremacy: I can think and talk and feel about Black liberation while DOING nothing of substance, and for some it will look like action. Centuries of centering ourselves as white folks have made us believe that our thoughts or feelings must be addressed before anything else. No. Right now, in this moment of exigence, we must follow the centuries long calls of ennumerable Black leaders by acting on a reckoning that involves a CALCULATION OF WHAT I/WE OWE. It is not what we KNOW, but what we OWE, that is the starting point of action.

An invitation: I OWE Black folks a DAILY practice of dismantling & redistributing my benefits from white supremacy. If you are white, I think you do too.

A love letter: I owe the work to dismantle the particularly insidious ways that being a white woman grants me white privilege and benefits of white supremacy. Mrs. Shakelford, our amazing second grade teacher’s aide, solidified this lesson for me in a way I will never forget. After my friend Cynthia and I were taunted in racialized ways on the playground, differently as she is Black and I am white, we ran in to Mrs. Shakelford feeling hurt and confused. She explained the words used, their history, why it happened, and what we should do. She specifically told me that my role as a white girl is to always center Cynthia, know that nothing truly hurts me as it is all really aimed at her, and to speak back to those mean white boys. I OWE Mrs. Shakelford and I OWE Cynthia. In every discipline, and in every part of life, there are brilliant Black womxn & femmes whose art, scholarship, and activism helps white folks un/learn (about) white supremacy. All of the lessons & plans about how to internally, familially, communally, and systemically act towards liberation and justice already exist. We must find someone who does this vital work, PAY them for their work, and then DO that work they are telling us to do. (Note: if we have asked a Black person to do this labor for free, we should pay them too). We must learn from folks who can truly challenge our complicity, especially if we are white women trying (verb and adjective). Because many Black folks have already compiled lists of names and resources for white folks, I will happily share some I have received.

An invitation: I OWE Black folks a DAILY practice of dismantling & redistributing my benefits from white supremacy. If you are white, I think you do too.

A statement of solidarity: Black Lives Matter! I unequivocally support:

  • the brilliant, generous call ins of the Black Graduate Student Association, The Nubian Message, and the Black coalition partners who created the Advancing Black Undergraduate Life at NC State University petition
  • Black led Black liberation organizing, education, and action groups and individuals, including but not limited to, Southerners On New Ground, The African American Policy Forum, TGI Justice, BYP 100, G.L.I.T.S., The Okra Project, Black Transwomen Inc.
  • following the lead of Black liberation organizers, educators, artists, and individuals, as well as paying in money, time, energy, and other resources while doing my work in the way back background.
  • uprisings in all their forms, where people matter more than property
  • reparations
  • TOTAL abolition and transformative justice
  • health and healthcare justice
  • housing justice
  • environmental justice
  • total body liberation

An invitation: I OWE Black folks a DAILY practice of dismantling & redistributing my benefits from white supremacy. If you are white, I think you do too.

A love letter: Black trans, gender non-conforming, and intersex folks, especially Black trans womxn & femmes, are the embodiment of justice. They are the hardest working group of freedom fighters as well as the most brilliant, creative, resilient, and amazing folks. They are also the most at risk in every system. As Black trans womxn & femmes teach us all, if we cared for, loved, supported, encouraged, and truly made a livable life for all Black trans women & femmes, we would all be free. White folks, especially my fellow white folks for whom a Pride month is relevant, we OWE Black trans folks a DAILY practice of gratitude and collective support. PAY Black trans folks, especially Black trans womxn & femmes, to support their survival. Again, I will share any lists I have received.

An invitation: I OWE Black folks a DAILY practice of dismantling & redistributing my benefits from white supremacy. If you are white, I think you know that you do too.

A closing: This is my lifelong commitment. I will own up to my harms, mistakes, and ignorances with humility, accountability, and action. I will use challenging thoughts, feelings, and experiences to fuel my commitment to doing the work of anti-racism. I willingly surrender what must be lost to me to restore others. This is my daily practice: materially, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and lovingly supporting Black lives over my own comfort, complicity, and power.

Elizabeth A. Nelson (she/her), Ph.D., is a teaching associate professor of communication at NC State University.